The Procrastinator's Assistant

How does one hire somebody when one has less money than Jed Clampett prior to the worst  -and luckiest- hunting shots in history when failing to kill his dinner?

Being poor sucks

I could use some assistance. My good friend who is highly anal retentive, loves lists, and to plan things out meticulously is moving far away soon. She would have been the perfect choice to help me plan and run my crowdfunding campaign and eventual research trip. However, the planning of her own move and job hunt will take all of her efforts.

I am far too good at procrastinating or looking for excuses to complete these tasks myself. This means I'm trying to find someone to help me with said planning stages, the scheduling, and the crowdfunding campaign. Someone who will keep me on track. To kick me in the ass when I need it.


I am trying to figure out ways to compensate whoever helps me with this. There's a few ways this could be done but would have to be discussed in person. It won't be much, which is all I could say at this point.

Preferably this assistant would be someone I know here in Albuquerque. Why? Because I would like to meet up with him or her often enough to keep me energized on this project. Yet, I suppose it can be someone elsewhere and this could all be done through emails, phone calls, Skype or FaceTime.



                                                            The Project In A Nutshell

Many of the dozen or so people that will view this know of the project and what it entails. For those of you who do not, I will describe it a little.
I want to take a solo journey around New Mexico and part of Arizona. I would be visiting towns and other sites that are connected to Billy the Kid. The purpose is to write about my experience as a person who suffers from an anxiety disorder and trying to overcome the agoraphobia I developed do to it.  I would be trying to understand the Kid's own anxieties he may have had as well as trying to deal with -and understand-  my own. This would also be proof to people like me who suffer from such disorders that it is possible to regain at least some of yourself back, to be able to do things with your life once again. To understand that fear can be overcome.

I would hope that as I travel and push myself beyond the limits of what I believed possible to do, and learning some history while doing it, that I will inspire others to do the same. To seek out the help they need and deserve.

This book will be part historical, part educational, part adventure, and part self improvement. Yet hopefully it will be entirely inspirational.



If any of you are interested in possibly assisting, please feel free to contact me here, Facebook, or via email, 
 We can at the very least discuss it and see what we can do.



Thank you for your time

David

The majority of places in New Mexico and Arizona I plan to travel to

Map from "The West of Billy the Kid" (1998) by Fred Nolan 

The Santa Fe Endeavors, Part Two: Clarice

[This is many weeks late. My apologies to the 2/3 of dozen people who were waiting on it. I have been fairly busy and after you finish this you shall understand why.]
                                        

Galisteo St, Santa Fe (image credit: D.L. Mavrikakis)

                

                                                                       A Night To Forget

I thought about her all through the rest of the day and well into the next. Deciding I could not pass this opportunity up I scrambled to see if I could borrow the money -I was also offering collateral up front- and a friend offered to help me out.

Wednesday and Tuesday were out of the question. So Nubs and I planned on heading back up the following Thursday. There was an attempt to change her shift at work or get it covered. All we needed was an hour's difference at the beginning or end of her shift and we'd be on our way!

Sadly, Nubs was unable to adjust her schedule. This was heartbreaking for a few reasons. One, I was looking forward to another trip with her as my copilot and companion, because I enjoy her company immensely. Two, because I had no one else to go with me, which means I would most likely miss my chance to purchase that beautiful hardware. At least... this is what I thought temporarily.

I deliberated with myself and finally came to the only conclusion. I decided to do my best to suppress my fears, my anxiety, and attempt to make this trip to Santa Fe all by myself!

If I thought the night before the trip Nubs and I took was difficult, I was rudely educated at how wrong I was on this night. I did not sleep but perhaps eighty minutes. I was up at a little after 1:00am and all I could do for the next seven hours was anguish over what I was about to attempt. It weighed so heavy on my mind that at times I felt I would be sick.

I showered and reluctantly got dressed.

I couldn't eat, I couldn't concentrate on a book, or a movie. I just paced. Occasionally I would lie back down, only to toss and turn for thirty minutes at a time before I had to get up and pace some more. I began to shake and could feel the anxiety rise within me!

Hours seemed like days. The clock getting heavy and dragging me down every time I looked at my pocket watch. I finally had to get out of the house. So, I got in my car and sat there, yet I no not for how long.

Eventually starting the engine, I drove off. Wandering the empty roads of the West Side and Rio Rancho I didn't really know what I was doing and had no destination. There were still hours to go. "Starbucks", I thought, "would be open soon." So naturally that's where I went to kill some time.

The next few hours were more or less just me getting more and more worked up, wondering how long before a panic attack would finally arrive. That's pretty much what I had been waiting for all night and morning. Still, one wasn't to be found.

I could take no more and left to get to where I was meeting up with my friend who was giving me the loan. I was of course substantially early, which was not necessarily a good thing. Why? Because they would be about an hour late, which meant I was sitting there for over an hour and a half, getting more worked up over the whole thing.

I now had my loan, then Nubs met up with me before she went to work. She found an anxiety filled man staring off into space. I didn't even know she had pulled up. I heard her voice off in the distance. It bought me out of my stupor. The second I had come to, the recognition of her voice calmed me immensely. There was my friend, smiling at me. Excited for what I was about to do. I suddenly knew I would be ok. A quick hug assured me of this. Or so I was hoping.

We chatted briefly and I became more relaxed in her presence. The russet eyes, dark hair, and blinding smile. They all helped me to yet again feel more brave than I probably am. I thanked her for meeting up with me. Another hug, she wished me good luck, stated her confidence in me, and we parted ways.



                                                                       Pleasant Surprises





I was no longer shaking owning to Nubs' calming effect on me, and about two miles down Unser I suddenly felt great! In fact I was grinnin' like an idiot!

This time, Motorhead was definitely serenading me through the speakers on this trip. I couldn't believe how my fearful anxiety turned to the all too normal and comparably innocent type of the purely excitement based variety of anxiety. This was down right fun!

I got to Bernalillo and thought that this would be where it hits, once I get onto I-25. As was the case three days prior. nothing.

I kept driving North and the further I got the more excited I became. It was as though I was granted a reprieve from some huge burden forced upon me. I watched the beautiful high desert scenery pass me by, feeling great joy as it did.

I arrived in Santa Fe with the most minor of moments along the way containing minute amounts of anxiety...nearly imperceptible!

I went directly to where I needed to be. There was to be no sight seeing or lollygagging on this trip. It was strictly for one reason and I was all business. I walked in and there she was, waiting for me.


Information was given, approval was granted, and products were purchased to go along with my beautiful new friend....

Here she is. The elegant one, Clarice. 

                                                           Back Home and A New Beginning

Romero St, Old Town Albuquerque 

(image credit: D.L. Mavrikakis)

Once I had her I quickly returned to Albuquerque. Nubs got to check her out and they seemed to like each other very much! A few more friends got to see her over the next couple of days as well.


I had slept quite a bit the next few days. That week was a very busy and stressful one. It had taken a great toll on me. But an amazing thing happened once I had received my much needed rest. There was a new found fire in me.

Suddenly I found myself needing more. I was now expecting more. I felt I was being pulled. I was restless. Before I knew it I was exploring the areas around me. Into the desert to shoot Clarice on some days, and exploring Albuquerque on others.

Over the next few weeks I was all over the place, doing things I hadn't been able to do in years. I had neglected my home Starbucks but it was ok because I was doing so much. Sure, the one drawback to that is that I haven't seen Nubs during this time. I miss my friend but I have a good reason. I'm expanding my world. I will see my friend again soon. I hope she can forgive my absence -although I'm quite sure she's been busy too-

Old Town History Sign, Spanish Side 

(image credit: D.L. Mavrikakis)

One of my  favorite things I have been doing? Well, I have discovered Old Town. I have spent several days down there, wandering the streets, feeling the history of the place flow through me. It has been beneficial to my research for the biography I'm working on and good for my history geekiness in general.


I am planing to do much more. There are still mental obstacles in my way but I am working on them, Or "rehabbing" as I guess it is technically called. Money is also a big factor in holding me back. Perhaps soon I can begin to also do a little work. Not only to improve myself but to make a few bucks so I can attempt to do more,


All these new things I have suddenly been able to accomplish, to do, these chains I have broken? These are largely due to Nubs. Without her influence on me, her encouragement -verbally or merely implied- I don't think I would be this far along. Starting last October, as we became good friends, she has been driving me -whether she knows it or not- to become a better man, in so many ways.

Nubs, I will always be grateful to you. "Daves" shall never forget. Thank you.


And I thank the rest of you for your time


David

Update on my projects including an exciting new one.

I thought I would bring the three people who read my "blog" up to date on what is going on with my projects. I know it has been quite some time since I have written anything on here. Why? Well....

First, the long running projects:

                                        Villainous Rational (tentative title)

The last time I wrote on my highly neglected blog I was informing you about a four part series on villains I was developing. I am still working on it semi-actively and am enjoying the subject a great deal. Recently I have found, and have been exchanging emails with, a writer from Santa Fe who has worked on a story about one of the villains I will be focusing on. I am hunting down material for that character but it's taking some time finding this particular se7en part comic series (based on a movie)
I have no deadline ( perfect for a person who suffers from what I do) which means it will be done when it's done. To paraphrase Gandalf; 

                                  "A Writer is never late, nor is he early. He finishes precisely when he means to."

                                          My comic

I am still working on it but have begun to look at it from a different angle. I take it out on occasion and go through some things. I expand the outline, work on characters, and work the script for issue #1. I am in no rush.


                                          Poker book

I actually have two poker books I'd like to do. One is an adaptation of a famous book, and the other is more for fun. When I find the time and I am in that mindset I will return to the second one. The other I am not so concerned about.

                                          Short stories


I easily become bored. My mind wanders at incredible speeds and is always fifty steps ahead of me. Unfortunately I'm not quick, nor smart enough, to keep up with it or use it to my advantage.  
  I have many short stories started. Sometimes I say "fuck it" and never intend to go back to that particular one. Sometimes I realize it belongs in a different world but am unsure of what that is. A few times I realized that a story I'm working on, specifically the main character, is in fact a part of the comic I am slowly piecing together. All these things keep me from working on any particular story for very long. It's as though.... look! a kitty!


                                       Crimson and Covers


     

   This is a project I am truly in love with. This is the "radio" show I started working on a long time ago. It is dedicated to cover songs of every genre, by artists of every genre. The first episode was put together months ago but due to my own ineptitude and the fact computers are my mortal enemies, I have been unable to finalize it as of yet. 
I have several shows already planned out and ready for me to record my DJ(?) parts, but until I figure what I did wrong they will also have to wait.  I do manage to post videos from time to time on the Facebook page.



                                      


                                        Second Breakfast

           

         Huh. I haven't even thought of this in quite some time. Second Breakfast is a little music project I would like to do. Basically me with no talent (bad voice and simple bass guitar) writing a song on occasion and having some friends add guitar or other instruments to it. This would be done long distance, so who knows what it would end up sounding like or how frustrated I would become?


                                  

My newest and most personally challenging project 


Okay. Some background is in order in case you do not know me well. 
I have been battling anxiety and depression for twenty five years. These things developed into agoraphobia around fourteen years ago. It has been a horrible experience and close to fatal at my darkest times. I am vastly improved but have quite a ways to go. I work hard at changing my life back around, to function as normally as I can.

I have been in contact with the founder and editor of a small and new online magazine out of England called Chucktown. We started discussing an idea I have for a series of articles. I would be following a certain historical Old West icon through my current home of  New Mexico. I would be interviewing the people of these small towns, getting their perspective of life there and of the history of this man. 
The history, sites, and the people who now occupy these historical towns would merely be a backdrop. The real story would be about me, an agoraphobic man, taking this solo journey around the state. About whether I can even complete any or all of it. I am only just beginning to travel locally around the west side of Albuquerque and Rio Rancho without total fear or panic attacks. Yet within the next couple of months I am willing to jump into the deep end of the pool, uncertain if I can even swim. This both excites and terrifies me. 

I have also been in contact with a well-known historian who has been extremely helpful. He offers guided tours in the town where much took place. I would like to do this as well as interview him. These things, and the journey itself, are not free, or even cheap.

I will most likely be doing a funding campaign for this journey as I am not being paid for this by Chucktown. This is something I feel I need, and have to do. It is a huge undertaking but I have to try to push my frightened self further than ever before. After all of this I will then compile and expand these articles into book form. My hope would be this could benefit someone who suffers from the same thing. To let them know it is possible to take their lives, at least a good part of it, back. Also, I would hope to finally support myself with writing. Social Security is not a way to live. Getting off of it, doing better mentally, and doing something I love in order to support myself is the dream. A dream that once seemed impossible. Now? It is starting to feel that it is not only possible, but that I am on my way to actually doing it.


I thank you for your time.

David


Post Script. 

If any are interested in helping me let me know. I could also use guidance on what funding site would be best.

And if any artists out there would like to work with me on the comic, let me know. I would love to collaborate on it.


Update: September 7, 2015

I have decided I will not be doing the project for Chucktown owning to changes they have gone through. I fully intend on continuing with this project, however, it will be solely for a book.

I have put all my other projects on hold for this but have also added a project. I would like to write an article for True West Magazine. I have picked my subject and have frustratingly been researching. I am in the process of writing two versions at the same time and may add a third. Why? Because I am unsure of the angle I wish to do this story. I figured I would give myself a few options. 

That's all for this update.

Thanks for your time.